Well my idea of Tiger re-grouping away from the spotlight seems to have been taken on board… and I didn’t know that he read Golf Shoes Blog!

All the talk is about sponsorships as they start to fall away, though his golf shoe sponsor Nike is supporting him. Quite right too. Some of the media is saying that as blokes play golf he’ll be alright but you should read some of the comments from the US “moral majority” (minority one hopes) – it’s very “moral”.

I saw a great quote which I’ve slipped in an extra word (golf) to make it more salient… “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their (golf) shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their (golf) shoes”.  Thanks Mr Anonymous, for that one.  I’m not sure 100% which way the sentiment of that goes but it made me smile.

Meanwhile good luck Mr & Mrs Tiger…

There’s two monkeys putting on their golf shoes in the changing room of the Jungle Chimpionship Club House.

One chimp says to the other ” Ooh OOH Ooh Ah Ah Ah!” (You have to do this in a chimp voice, like chips normally talk. I don’t know if I got the spelling right but at this stage it just sounds like the sort of thing a chimp would normally say.)

The other one says…”Listen, if your golf shoes are that tight - then get yourself some new ones!”

A red-faced, obviously irate golfer, walks off the 18th green straight to the pro shop and demands some size 8 golf shoes. The junior pro offers him some advice, saying that he obviously has size 10 feet or bigger. But the golfer demands size 8s. 

He gets the new gol shoes from the confused pro and squeezes his tired and hot feet into them - almost ripping them and his feet in the process.  Even then he can’t do the laces up.  The shoes are bulging and start to pull at the seams and he’s obviously in so much pain.  he can’t actualy walk in them.

He looks at the young pro and shouts… “I know – you want to know why!… Listen I just had three bogeys, two double-bogeys, and five triple-bogeys.  I missed every fairway, every green bar two and I hit a bunker on six holes today.  You gave me a lesson last month and it didnt help.  And I lost six balls today as well as a sizeable wager!

The only way I’m ever going to get any pleasure out of this game is when I take these blasted size 8 golf shoes off!”

Following the earlier golf Shoes Blog post on alliator golf shoes, a young but rather slow-witted guy goes into Nashville Boots to get himself a pair.  But he’d not read Golf Shoes Blog very closely and he’d missed the price.  He’d read $399 a $39.99 and so he was bitterly disappointed not ot be able to afford these alligator golf shoes.

He sulked off and decided to go down to the swamp and get himself alligator golf shoes all by himself.  As he arrived at the edge of the swamp he heard a lot of commotion and ran down to see what was happening.  What he saw first was a pile of dead alligators  next t the edge and then there were two guys (who turned out to be even slower-witted than he), waist deep in the water wrestling another alligator.

As they eventually overpowered the beast and threw it on the bank, one of them moaned out loud… “Oh no!  This one’s got no shoes either!”

Young buck goes into the golf shoes store… and sees the most beautiful young lady assistant standing by the counter.  As she asks him if he knows what size he is, he takes out his member (not a golf club member either) and flops it onto the counter in front of her.

She comments, in a rather cool manner “But sir, that’s not a foot”.

“No,” he says, even more controlled, grinning, “but it’s a good eleven inches”.

Standing on the first tee, Tom says to his friend Bill, just as he was about to strike the ball “Hey I forgot to tell you I got a new pair of golf shoes for my wife”.  Bill hits it straight down the fairway and the comment is left in thin air…

Just as Tom is about to take his drive Bill suddenly pipes up with “Not a bad trade!”

After a particularly physical and energetic afternoon in bed with his secretary, our hero and his companion both fall asleep.  At sunset he suddenly awakens and shakes awake the young lady.  Whilst he tries to get dressed in a hurry, he asks her to quickly take his shoes outside and rub them around the lawn and make them as dirty and green as possible.

When he arrives home to his frosty wife and his cold dinner she scowls at him.  “OK honey, you got me.  I fell asleep after having particularly energetic rumpy-pumpy with Doreen all afternoon.” 

His wife shouts at him “You BASTARD… I can see your shoes!  You’ve been playing golf haven’t you!”

An elderly gentleman in his golf gear – plus fours & shiny new golf shoes and all – goes into a chemist/drug store and boldly asks the young lady behind the counter for viagra.  She is used to people asking for this quite quietly and gingerly but maybe she thinks this gent has bought it many times before.  So she asks him how much he usually needs.

“I’ve never had it before”  he replies “and I only need a very low dose”.   The young lady suggests one pill each time he needs it.

“Then I’ll just take the one pill” he says…  “that should last me a month.”  The young chemist looks at him curiously.  “I’ll break it into four – one a week… that should do it”.  The chemist starts to say that the dose won’t be enough but he stops her in her tracks…

He explains – “Young lady I’m not using this for what you think – I’m past that!  I’m going to break the pill into four parts, one a week, once for each round with the old fellers”.  Now the chemist looks really worried…

“I just need it to stick out a little – so as I can pee beyond the end of my new golf shoes.”